Schizophrenic Christian

What stops me from sharing is that I’m unsure.

Today, I’m very comfortable sharing my fundamental beliefs about Christianity. Today my faith feels very real.

Tomorrow, I need to put my hands through Jesus’ sides to believe. And if I’m to believe, I need Jesus to visit my house like he visited Mary & Martha.

Today, my message is very clean and very clear.

Tomorrow, my mind is tainted from what I hear on TV or see in the street on the way home.

Today, I’m a confident Christian who would fit nicely on the pages of your right winged magazine.

Tomorrow, I’m a left winged nut who absolutely cannot tolerate discrimination, even if it’s “Bible based.”

Today, I’m a Spirit filled worship leader, feeling led into the presence of the Almighty,¬†hoping you might follow.

Tomorrow, I’m questioning the lyrics, the method, the institution, The Church, afraid that you might actually follow.

Today, I’m sure of who I want to be and give in to the strong pull in that direction.

Tomorrow, I’m sure of who you want me to be, and try to conform and transform and fit in, so I won’t be thrown out.

I’m Anna, and I’m a Schizophrenic Christian.

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