Fragmentation is what happens when we let others define us. There is this deep place within each of us that knows exactly who we are. But this place is sacred and should not be exposed for all to see. The problem is that we desire to be known, really known. (what we really want, is to know ourselves) We keep laying it all out there so that someone somewhere can once and for all tell us we’re o.k. We need our thoughts and feelings to be validated. It takes bravery and many lessons learned to finally hold our most vulnerable selves in the highest esteem. To understand that every time we risk complete vulnerability, we risk fragmentation — the breaking apart of who we are, just to fit into the mold of what others need us to be. Why would we ever seek the approval of other fragmented souls? It doesn’t make sense for us to want someone who is not o.k. to tell us that we are o.k. and yet this is what many of us occupy ourselves with – seeking wholeness in brokenness. Every time we go outside of ourselves for acceptance, our efforts will eventually ricochet, and we’ll still stand face to face in the fractured mirror, picking up exactly where we left off on our own process of self-acceptance. The approval of others is a drug that requires an increased dosage if we’re to hold the warm and fuzzy feeling for very long. Those souls are fragmented too and will eventually be unable to give you what you need because you were a drug for them as well. They must move on to their next hit. There is a part of each of you, that knows you were soulmates of addiction, but neither is equipped to take responsibility for their own trauma and drama. Often this leads to the subconscious clinging to something or someone that used to feel oh so good but now feels oh so wrong.
We don’t consciously wake up one day and decide to let others define us. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. We wake up one day and realize we can no longer let others define us, or else our life will continue to spiral out of control in the direction of our next obsession. You can be sure that your next addiction will be no more fulfilling than your last, because there’s only room for two hands at the end of one rope. The journey of self-acceptance is a journey that must be taken alone. As long as you listen to any other voice but your own, to define who you are, you are prey – at the mercy of their mood, their own lack of self-confidence, including their fickle palette of insecurities and failures.