Sometimes I would rather die than to have to deal with silence and fights. I know that my feelings are not always justified, but it would be nice to be understood once in a while. Instead I feel like I have to keep it all locked up on the inside unless I want to be left out in the cold for good. I pray for clarity and for strength not to be mean back. It seems very unjust and childish not to be able to talk to my very own husband. I want to see where I am wrong in this so that I can truly be sorry for my actions. But right now, I am not sorry for my actions, I am just sorry for having to suffer in my own house. It seems as though we don’t know which came first, the chicken or the egg. But we are both unsatisfied with each other.

I am unsatisfied with a lot that probably is buried beneath the surface so that I can’t even understand it myself.

I guess God just wants to stop being my backup, when times get tough.

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